You get to the end of a stressful, packed week. If anyone had asked you on Wednesday what you wanted to do all weekend, you would have said “Nothing! Just relax!” 

But by Saturday night, you’re searching for anything to ease a weird sense of restlessness. Maybe you snack too much, put a series on Netflix that you ignore, scroll through apps on your phone, skip between tasks. You get to work on Monday not feeling refreshed, but resentful that the time passed so unsatisfyingly.

There are different parts of our brain, that evolved at different times. The reptilian and limbic brain systems control vital functions, and are very much concerned with survival. The neocortex developed much later, and is in control of the higher functions, understand culture and humour, working out how to use tools. 

The earlier parts of the brain learned how to keep us alive before pizza delivery existed, when food was a scarce resource, and therefore would prefer we didn’t waste precious energy on non-essential tasks – which can produce a strong urge to do nothing, to stay in bed all day, to fantasise about holidays in the middle of nowhere in an attempt to escape having to do anything at all. 

However, the neocortex isn’t a fan of being idle without purpose. The higher functioning part of the brain wants problems to solve, fulfilment, satisfaction. New and interesting information. It jumps at new notifications on your phone, wants to be occupied, and can become very distracting otherwise, resulting in anything from fidgeting and irritability to anxiety. We are very responsive to perceived urgency (“What if this text is important?” “What if this email is from my boss?” “What if that news alert is that WW3 was just declared?!”), often at the expense of what is actually important – maybe the meal you just cooked goes cold because of the Facebook message, or you end up staying up too late because there’s a limited time event in your online game.

It’s this tug of war between ancient urges and more modern ones that can lead to a sense of dissatisfaction – perhaps you think the antidote to your stressful week is a pyjama day on Sunday, but the blues set in and you feel like the day has been wasted at 8pm.

Or perhaps you go the other way, and when the boredom starts to creep in you find yourself feeding the urge for satisfaction with online casual games, or arguing on twitter, getting little hits of satisfaction or righteous indignation, but find it interfering with your relaxation and leaving you even more stressed.

Either way, these situations are fed by a lack of satisfying, structured activities. 

While it might seem trite to recommend a hobby, creativity and community are ways of using part of your free time in a rejuvenating way. And I don’t mean you have to join a life drawing class – creativity is much, much wider than that. Anything from cooking to writing, board games to dancing can connect you to other people in ways that please all parts of our brains. 

Bessel Van Der Kolk, a leading trauma specialist and former Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, even recommends yoga, drumming and dancing to help overcome serious trauma, as this is how deeply communal activities can reconnect people to their bodies and the present. 

Hopefully understanding why the urge to curl up on the sofa is so powerful when you’re busy but sometimes uncomfortable once you’re there, will help you find the motivation to get involved with something you can really be passionate about.

Further information: 

Therapist Uncensored: “Challenge Your Busy Identity” Podcast and Show Notes

Bessel Van Der Kolk: The Body Keeps The Score